What Does Your Soul Long For?

What is your vision of the afterlife? I’ve asked many people this question, and everyone has a slightly different answer. I don’t believe one person’s vision is more holy than another. We are created with unique desires, talents, and styles of worship. However, within our varying answers, I’ve found a common thread... we are all searching for presence.

“Eternity is not a perpetual future but perpetual presence.” Eugene Peterson, Tell it Slant

When I think of eternity, I think of endless time. I’ll never be able to pursue all my interests, explore all of creation, or spend enough time with those I love. A perpetual future sounds amazing. But I know my longing for heaven isn’t just a desire for time. It is a desire to be present in that time.

What my soul really longs for is perpetual presence. I would love to throw away my to-do list, be free from a schedule, and not be distracted by the next activity. My soul desires to be known and know others, soak in the beauty around me, and be face-to-face with the Creator.

As I write this, my daughter is jumping on the trampoline.

 “Mommy, watch me!”

 Kids can teach you a lot about perpetual presence. She always senses the moment my eyes stray away from her.

 “Mommy. Keep. Watching. ME!”

 But even in this sweet moment, I’m fighting the urge to start dinner, check my work email, and kill the wasps buzzing around my patio table.

Moments of true presence feel few and far between. Living in perpetual presence isn’t realistic. I can’t escape the daily grind. I can put off my responsibilities in an effort to live in the moment, but eventually, work must be done. The dishes won’t wash themselves. In this lifetime, I must toil.

…The ground is cursed… all your life, you will struggle to scratch a living from it.

 Genesis 3:17

So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night, their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless. So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized these pleasures are from the hand of God.

 Ecclesiastes 2:22-24

The more I try to escape work, the more it becomes unmanageable. A messy house may give me free time, but it will eventually cause anxiety. Life is lived in tension. Without this tension, my heart would never feel a pull for something more. I would have no reminder that I was created for more, and someday the meaningless toil and tension will disappear. Until then, I’ll embrace the struggle.